already over other thing; will I ever get over that guy, though?

yeah, forget that last post. "fuck off" is much too strong, and in fact, I don't really care much about that any more. what I do care about is Mr. Heartbreak. we've been seeing each other (very much off and on) for the past year and a half, almost, and dammit if I still don't love him. he just got home from playing his gig; sent me a seemingly sweet text (IS it sweet? I don't know for sure) and I'm all googly-eyed. when will I learn? but what do you do when the only guy who doesn't bore you quickly also happens to piss you off massively every few weeks, minimum?

happy new year

happy 2011 to all except for the one person whom I texted around midnight (I sent different texts to several friends) who responded with a stiff "I don't appreciate mass texts."

it wasn't a mass text. it was sent to him alone. I sent a similar one to my pal Chris. I guess it just wasn't original enough for that one person, so I deleted him from my contacts. if he texts me, I won't know who's sending me a note, and that... will be delightful, considering. I deleted all past texts and emails, and noted that there just hasn't been that much interesting conversation between us.

I thought he was cooler than he is. oh well. it's not like he was a close friend; more of an acquaintance. still, to him, and him alone, I'd like to say:

FUCK OFF.

thanks!

UPDATE: I took the high road in my response to him. let him know it wasn't, in fact, a mass text, and wished him a happy new year (including his name in the text). he wrote back "individual texts are appreciated" and then another one advising me to go to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight. deleted both. happy to see that they came through w/o his contact info!

this blog is dead; long live the new blog!

my divorce is final! yay. and I no longer feel like whining about my angst online. now I feel like raving about cooking, so please tune into this blog instead. it’s much more interesting.

things I learned just from spending a few hours with him

I’m not dead inside after all. since my second marriage ended, I’ve believed that I would never want to have any sort of relationship again. today, I spent time with someone for just part of the day, and although I will probably never see him again, and the purpose of our day was anything but romantic, I felt things I hadn’t felt since I started dating my first husband a LONG time ago.

it doesn’t have to be the guy I hung out with today. in fact, it can’t be that guy, but some appropriate person will help spark that great feeling again, I look forward to it. in the meantime, I won’t try to make someone fit into a pre-conceived mold of what I think is a great person. that’s what I did last time. lesson learned.

hmmmm – constant migraines, or frequent panic attacks?

thanks to an interesting new medication (new to me, anyway), I’m emerging from underneath the boulder of a 3+ week-long migraine. I didn’t think such a thing was possible, but there you go – you, too can have a horrendously bad headache for almost a month straight! sign up here.

my wonderful doctor gave me this medication to act as a prophylactic agent, and it does seem to be helping quite a bit. I’ve had just a couple of breakthrough headaches since I began taking it. the side effects, however, are something else. part of the problem is that these headaches are probably being caused by a small lesion in my right temporal lobe, and although the new med should help me adjust to temporal lobe problems, it affects both lobes, so it’s making me feel kind of strange at times. most of the time, I’d actually say it’s improving things quite a bit. my mood is generally better; I have a bit more energy, and I seem to be able to handle more things at once.

::ahem::

HOWEVER. as I adjust to it, it’s also given me some major anxiety/panic attacks (they’ve abated somewhat in the past day) that should go away as I acclimate, but man, this is no panic picnic.

still, given the choice, I choose panic over the constant migraine any day. I’m going to have to change my Indian name from “Takes Too Much Imitrex and Codeine” to something else. any suggestions?

OH! and I have to post briefly about the ridiculous game show my friend Ben and I came up with last night when we were discussing the concept of Samsara. after much seriousness, we both got very silly and decided that we should pitch a new TV show called “Wheel of Sorrow,” based on the Buddhist definition of Samsara: the eternal cycle of birth, suffering, death, and rebirth. we figured Vanna White could still be the letter-turner, if she wanted, but the phrases would be something like “You have two weeks left to live,” or other similarly cheery statements. I can’t for the life of me remember what the prizes were going to be, however; I only remember that they were going to suck.

I think it was one of those “you had to be there” moments; I swear it was hilarious at the time.

The Dicks!

a very belated report (from Saturday, March 12) on seeing my favorite Austin band of all time:

seeing the Dicks again tonight was worth it, and they’re playing tomorrow night and Sunday too. is it pathetic to want to see the best fucking drunk rock/punk rock band that I grew up on (since I was 15), but haven’t seen for almost 20 years? nah, it’s good. sentimentality is good. old friends are good, especially when they’re still alive.

now to sleep (I hope), perchance to hear the alarm when it goes off.

and I saw Ralf the girl, Craig Stewart and his better half King Coffey, my old pal Phil Flowers (and his girlfriend Tammy), John Spath, Niels-Jørgen Dyrved, Gretchen Von Eberstein, Gary Floyd, Magoo, Brent and his girlfriend Jane, ohmyword so many others. Pat Dick. Buxf Parrot. Davy Jones for heaven’s sakes! amazing how good some of us still look 20 years later. Biscuit looked great! and sang “Young Boy’s Feet (I’m Greedy)” with Gary, which rocked. I also especially enjoyed “Kill From the Heart.” oh my gosh, and Felix who used to drum for DRI, whom I haven’t seen since he was about 14, when his housekeeper used to bring him to shows.

life is good. I have a lot of friends that I love, and I’ll miss them when I move.

whiskers on kittens

so when you’re feeling like crappe, it seems that it’s fun to read comedy sketch show transcripts. at least to me. I might find it more boring if I felt better, but I don’t, so “hurrah” for these links below:

this one’s not new, but I’m used to being slow and way behind with stuff:

Mr. Show transcripts

and I’ve loved this for years, but it may be new to you:

Bit of Fry and Laurie scripts

perhaps someday, the Fry and Laurie will actually be published again, or even better, put on DVD. I have one measly VHS, and it’s all that's available right now, but I can always dream.

-d

blog or nothing

it seems that I am now communicating by blog only. go figure.

I’ve finished working SXSW Film Festival’s Artist’s registration and more importantly, seeing The Dicks two nights in a row. on nothing but two-three hours of sleep in the past 3 days and some melatonin, I cannot sleep; I am so happy and excited. and perhaps in a bit of pain from jumping up and down on a knee that would be better left alone until the new ACL takes hold. but whatever.

though I claimed I would rest tonight, I must confess that I did see The Dicks again. they were, of course, still great. I have a new temporary tattoo on my left arm from none other than Biscuit/Randy Turner (of the Big Boys, of course) hisself. it’s the usual smiley face/sun, with the words “I love Mom” underneath. I don't think I’ll wash my arm for a month at least. I will continue to use deodorant, however. so don’t worry about that if you see me soon.

-d